Princess Nerdy ~ glamour x love x swagg

Going thru an ‘I hate people’ phase. When you hear or feel hate or cruelty from someone else you really can’t help but feel this way. And it drives me crazy that I’m letting it get to me, but it just feels like a huge waste of time. Why do I feel like I’m always going out of my way or investing in “friends” who would never do the same for me. People don’t change unless they want to. If they never see anything wrong with themselves, why would they change. Convincing someone they are being a complete asshole when they don’t see it is just an uphill battle. It’s just so much easier to just walk away.

Since the last 3 years, so much has changed. My whole view on life, & I’ve never been happier. As much as I wish and hope everyone can feel this joy & hope I have, you honestly can’t help people who don’t wanna help themselves. Mean as it sounds, sometimes you just gotta let em go. Have them figure it out. Maybe he never will come around but it can’t be your problem anymore.

Live together, die alone.

There’s an ice stone where my heart used to be.

One of my greatest annoyances is when a seed of plan has been planted & Then I try to get details for this said plan, and nothing comes of it. No one can ever give a definite answer and it drives me absolutely CRAZY. All I wanna know is where we are going or what we are doing so I can be prepared. ESPECIALLY is I’m coming out of work. I have never been one to ever make a decision as to where to go or what to do, so why would anyone expect this time to be different. Maybe I am just asking too much, but honestly wouldn’t my “friends” just be like ok, jenn never chooses, so we will go here. Done. It really is that simple.

Then shit just hits the fan. “you’ve changed” …….. No I haven’t, I’ve been busy. You’re fighting with your bf who you’re attached to the hip with so you THINK we have been distant.

“I don’t understand why you feel like no one cares about you” ….. That’s just the way it’s always been. I’ve always felt alone, but in the good, independent way. I don’t expect anyones pity, or attention. I’m happy to be alone. I’m thrilled. I’ve got no attachments here so why be held back. I have no family or friends that will honestly be affected by the move.

Maybe it’s me being a nihilist. I will just never understand people’s needs and anchors.

In all honesty though, I was thinking this before the huge blowout with bffl, I truly think the only thing I’ll really miss about MA is probably my job….

There’s always good days &bad days, but no matter what, you’ll always feel good about being good to other people, other STRANGERS and have them genuinely appreciate it.

This is the first time in a really long time I’ve let my family get me down. I’m tired of fighting. Of fighting and losing. With my family and with everyone in the world. Over such trivial things. When things don’t go my way I just accept it. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck each and every time. You just learn to survive.

I’m about to be 22 years old. It’s like its so hard to be respected. Yesterday I faced the meanest broad in the hospital. Open doors and smiled at people who would never have the decency to look you in the face and say ‘thank you’. I’ve never disrespected anyone or treated anyone with cruelty. It’s hard for me to understand why some people are just awful like that.

I feel like all my ‘friends’ just love to bash on my life. I was in a good place for a really long time. I went with it, and laughed along. But I can’t help feeling like they just really wanna see me fail. It would just be entertainment to them. Maybe not on purpose, but subconsciously.

Constantly being second best. Go out of my way to be optimistic to be kicked over & rejected. Used by all, useful to none.

Maybe its me. I just feel like the world is against me all the time. Idk.

I just know I’m anxious with excitement (not fear) to move to the islands and start over. Away from everyone.

I hate being in these moods, reminds me of the past I never wanna go back to.

I’ll be ok when I wake up tmr.